Lesbian Love Code Relationship Assessment

A Premarital Counseling Assessment Tool Specifically for Lesbian Couples Based on the Six Lesbian Love Codes.
GIVE LOVE
The first Love Code is to Give Love. This is the motor of your relationship. You cannot get from your relationship anything that at least one of you is not giving. The more love you give, the more love you have.
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Mark answers “true” or “false” ONLY if you believe it is accurate for both of you.
I believe my partner puts effort into showing me love.*
I feel seen, valued and loved.*
I feel respected.*
I feel appreciated.*
I feel accepted as I am.*
I believe my opinions and beliefs matter, even when they are different than hers.*
I feel comforted by her when I am upset.*
My feelings are considered when we make decisions.*
I almost always feel heard by her.*
I am satisfied with how often I hear affectionate words of affirmation.*
I am satisfied with how often we hug, kiss and touch throughout the day.*
I am satisfied by her efforts to communicate her desire for me.*
I am satisfied with our sleep affection (cuddling and or touching) throughout the night.*
I enjoy and experience passionate moments in our relationship.*
I am satisfied with the amount of intentional connection in our daily life together (eye contact, touch, conversations, etc.).*
I am satisfied with our sex frequency.*
I am satisfied with the kind of sex we have.*
I believe my partner desires me sexually (even if I struggle to see myself as sexually desirable).*
I am satisfied with the amount of thought and energy she puts into making me feel special.*
She puts effort into gift giving, acts of kindness, and introducing me to new experiences.*
I am satisfied with her investment in growing and protecting our relationship.*
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Receive
Love Code two is Receive Love. If the motor of a relationship is to give love, receiving love is the fuel that keeps the motor running. This requires an open heart and the vulnerability to let love in. Receiving is how we say "yes," to love without obstacles, conditions, or doubt. Receiving Love works in tandem with Giving Love.
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Mark answers “true” or “false” ONLY if you believe it is accurate for both of you.
I am comfortable asking for help and support when I need it.*
When my partner says something that I interpret as hurtful, I allow her to clarify her message if she feels I have misunderstood her.*
I can tolerate disappointing her when I know it's absolutely necessary for my wellbeing, and the wellbeing of our relationship.*
I accept constructive feedback (when delivered with kindness and love) without becoming defensive with her.*
I accept comfort from her when I am hurting.*
I forgive her for both big and small things when a genuine apology/repair attempt is made.*
I am comfortable receiving gifts from her.*
I am comfortable asking for and receiving help from her.*
I openly share our my needs with her.*
I believe / expect that my essential needs will be met in this relationship.*
I feel worthy of being loved, even when I don't believe I've "earned" it.*
I am able to exercise self-care without feeling guilty.*
I feel comfortable pursuing my dreams without fearing that I will lose her.*
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Understand
Love Code three is Understanding. To Understand Love is the ability to make sense of, and accurately interpret your partner's feelings and behaviors in ways that allow her to feel known. Understanding is an emotional process, not a logical process, thus it requires access to emotions, yours and hers. Deep understanding is what creates intimacy and sustains your friendship.
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Mark answers “true” or “false” ONLY if you believe it is accurate for both of you.
I feel safe to share vulnerable thoughts, feelings and fears with her.*
I generally feel accepted by her exactly as I am.*
I am satisfied with our our ability to balance our relationship with other commitments (work, kids, hobbies, social time, etc.)*
I am satisfied with how we view the role and importance of our respective families in our life together.*
I am proud of our love story and I feel good sharing it with others.*
I am satisfied with my ability to feel joyful and alive in my relationship.*
I am confident that my financial goals and values are/ will be respected and supported.*
I am satisfied with the balance of autonomy/freedom and togetherness/security in our relationship.*
I believe she understands my sexual needs, desires, vulnerabilities, and sensitivities.*
I believe we have compatible values about the cleanliness, order and organization of our home.*
I believe my hopes and aspirations are compatible with our life as a couple.*
I validate (express understanding for what she is saying) her thoughts, feelings and experiences, even when they are different than mine.*
We have compatible values about animals and pet ownership.*
We have compatible values about parenthood and/or parenting styles.*
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Protect
Love Code four is Protect Love. When you Protect Love, you keep it safe from harm. This requires both partners to manage your emotions and to establish healthy boundaries to support the well-being of both yourself and your relationship.
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Mark answers “true” or “false” ONLY if you believe it is accurate for both of you.
I am accepting of our differences.*
I only speak positively about her and our relationship to others.*
I trust that she will always have my back.*
I trust her with finances.*
I trust her ability to respect our relationship when she is with friends, acquaintances and co-workers.*
I trust her with my secrets.*
She almost always takes care of me when I don't feel well.*
She is almost always there for me when I need her.*
I am comfortable being honest with her.*
I am loyal to her and to our relationship agreements.*
We support one another’s highest good, and biggest dreams.*
We feel secure in our commitment.*
I feel confident that I can express the best version of who I am in this relationship.*
I am comfortable with how we treat our differences.*
I am conscious about making choices that support our relationship and that do not take away from our relationship.*
I do not give energy and attention to distractions that will undermine our relationship.*
I believe she shares her thoughts and feelings openly, even when it is difficult for me to hear.*
I apologize when my actions have been hurtful, whether I intended to hurt her or not.*
I feel emotionally and physically safe and respected.*
I feel safe to express how I feel about anything and everything to her.*
I am comfortable with our ability to address conflicts and disagreements.*
I am satisfied with our conversations and our ability to trust each other with vulnerable thoughts and feelings.*
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Enjoy
Love Code five is Enjoy Love. You can Enjoy Love when you take responsibility for creating positive, uplifting, and joyful interactions as well as incorporating novelty and surprise to keep love alive and a feel-good and satisfying experience.
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Mark answers “true” or “false” ONLY if you believe it is accurate for both of you.
I am satisfied with the amount of play we have in our relationship.*
I am happy to see her when she walks into the room.*
I enjoy talking with her.*
She is my favorite person to spend time with.*
I am satisfied with the amount of fun we have.*
I feel special to her.*
I am satisfied with how much we laugh.*
We have inside jokes and playful behaviors that we do not engage in with others.*
I am satisfied with how we spend our free-time together.*
I am satisfied with how often we get away and vacation together (just the two of us).*
I enjoy running errands, and other tasks involved in day-to-day life, together.*
I am satisfied with how we do humor in our relationship.*
I feel supported to pursue hobbies and things that interest me.*
Meeting my partners needs and expectations helps me feel connected to her, not controlled by her.*
I find comfort in her company and companionship.*
I am satisfied with our sex life.*
I feel supported to engage in activities that fuel my aliveness and passion.*
I am satisfied with my ability to maintain my individuality/autonomy in ways that do not seem to threaten my partner's security in our relationship.*
I am satisfied with the way she celebrates my birthday, special occasions, and personal achievements.*
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Prioritize
Love Code six is Prioritize Love. When we Prioritize Love, we move from a mindset of "me" to one of "we.” When you have decisions to make, free time to spend, love to give, and interpretations to make, your love is the first to be considered.
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Mark answers “true” or “false” ONLY if you believe it is accurate for both of you.
I am satisfied with how important I feel in our relationship.*
I believe our relationship is the most important relationship in my life.*
I strive to be accessible to my partner 24/7 in case of emergency.*
I believe exercizing self-care is a way of prioritizing our relationship.*
I believe that for our relationship to be strong and healthy, I must strive to being strong and healthy.*
When I am hurt by her words or actions, I communicate my feelings directly, openly and with kindness.*
I consider the impact on my relationship when I make decisions that will deplete my energy, resources and time.*
She is the first person I tell when I have big news to share.*
I place the needs of our relationship above the feelings and demands of others in my life.*
I turn to her for advice and suggestions.*
I am willing to disappoint important others in my life in order to support and protect my relationship.*
I believe it is my responsibility to manage my emotions no matter how upset I am with my partner.*
She is my most trusted advisor in life.*
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Check the following statements that are true for you.
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MINDSET
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Check the statements that are true for you.
Emotional Health and Well-Being
Check all of the statements below that are true for you.
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First Name*
City, State*
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