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Love Code Quiz
Lesbian Love Code Relationship Assessment
A Premarital Counseling Assessment Tool Specifically for Lesbian C
ouples Based on the Six Lesbian Love Codes.
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GIVE LOVE
The first Love Code is to Give Love. This is the motor of your relationship. You cannot get from your relationship anything that at least one of you is not giving. The more love you give, the more love you have.
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Mark answers “
true
” or “
false
” ONLY if you believe it is accurate for both of you.
I believe my partner puts effort into showing me love.
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True
False
Unsure
I feel seen, valued and loved.
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True
False
Unsure
I feel respected.
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True
False
Unsure
I feel appreciated.
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True
False
Unsure
I feel accepted as I am.
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True
False
Unsure
I believe my opinions and beliefs matter, even when they are different than hers.
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True
False
Unsure
I feel comforted by her when I am upset.
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True
False
Unsure
My feelings are considered when we make decisions.
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True
False
Unsure
I almost always feel heard by her.
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True
False
Unsure
I am satisfied with how often I hear affectionate words of affirmation.
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True
False
Unsure
I am satisfied with how often we hug, kiss and touch throughout the day.
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True
False
Unsure
I am satisfied by her efforts to communicate her desire for me.
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True
False
Unsure
I am satisfied with our sleep affection (cuddling and or touching) throughout the night.
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True
False
Unsure
I enjoy and experience passionate moments in our relationship.
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True
False
Unsure
I am satisfied with the amount of intentional connection in our daily life together (eye contact, touch, conversations, etc.).
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True
False
Unsure
I am satisfied with our sex frequency.
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True
False
Unsure
I am satisfied with the kind of sex we have.
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True
False
Unsure
I believe my partner desires me sexually (even if I struggle to see myself as sexually desirable).
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True
False
Unsure
I am satisfied with the amount of thought and energy she puts into making me feel special.
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True
False
Unsure
She puts effort into gift giving, acts of kindness, and introducing me to new experiences.
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True
False
Unsure
I am satisfied with her investment in growing and protecting our relationship.
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True
False
Unsure
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Total true answers - Give
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Percentage - Give
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Receive
Love Code two is Receive Love. If the motor of a relationship is to give love, receiving love is the fuel that keeps the motor running. This requires an open heart and the vulnerability to let love in. Receiving is how we say "yes," to love without obstacles, conditions, or doubt. Receiving Love works in tandem with Giving Love.
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Mark answers “
true
” or “
false
” ONLY if you believe it is accurate for both of you.
I am comfortable asking for help and support when I need it.
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True
False
Unsure
When my partner says something that I interpret as hurtful, I allow her to clarify her message if she feels I have misunderstood her.
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True
False
Unsure
I can tolerate disappointing her when I know it's absolutely necessary for my wellbeing, and the wellbeing of our relationship.
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True
False
Unsure
I accept constructive feedback (when delivered with kindness and love) without becoming defensive with her.
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True
False
Unsure
I accept comfort from her when I am hurting.
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True
False
Unsure
I forgive her for both big and small things when a genuine apology/repair attempt is made.
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True
False
Unsure
I am comfortable receiving gifts from her.
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True
False
Unsure
I am comfortable asking for and receiving help from her.
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True
False
Unsure
I openly share our my needs with her.
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True
False
Unsure
I believe / expect that my essential needs will be met in this relationship.
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True
False
Unsure
I feel worthy of being loved, even when I don't believe I've "earned" it.
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True
False
Unsure
I am able to exercise self-care without feeling guilty.
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True
False
Unsure
I feel comfortable pursuing my dreams without fearing that I will lose her.
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True
False
Unsure
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Total true answers - Receive
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Percentage - Receive
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Understand
Love Code three is Understanding. To Understand Love is the ability to make sense of, and accurately interpret your partner's feelings and behaviors in ways that allow her to feel known. Understanding is an emotional process, not a logical process, thus it requires access to emotions, yours and hers. Deep understanding is what creates intimacy and sustains your friendship.
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Mark answers “
true
” or “
false
” ONLY if you believe it is accurate for both of you.
I feel safe to share vulnerable thoughts, feelings and fears with her.
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True
False
Unsure
I generally feel accepted by her exactly as I am.
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True
False
Unsure
I am satisfied with our our ability to balance our relationship with other commitments (work, kids, hobbies, social time, etc.)
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True
False
Unsure
I am satisfied with how we view the role and importance of our respective families in our life together.
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True
False
Unsure
I am proud of our love story and I feel good sharing it with others.
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True
False
Unsure
I am satisfied with my ability to feel joyful and alive in my relationship.
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True
False
Unsure
I am confident that my financial goals and values are/ will be respected and supported.
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True
False
Unsure
I am satisfied with the balance of autonomy/freedom and togetherness/security in our relationship.
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True
False
Unsure
I believe she understands my sexual needs, desires, vulnerabilities, and sensitivities.
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True
False
Unsure
I believe we have compatible values about the cleanliness, order and organization of our home.
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True
False
Unsure
I believe my hopes and aspirations are compatible with our life as a couple.
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True
False
Unsure
I validate (express understanding for what she is saying) her thoughts, feelings and experiences, even when they are different than mine.
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True
False
Unsure
We have compatible values about animals and pet ownership.
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True
False
Unsure
We have compatible values about parenthood and/or parenting styles.
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True
False
Unsure
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Total true answers - Understand
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Percentage - Understand
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Protect
Love Code four is Protect Love. When you Protect Love, you keep it safe from harm. This requires both partners to manage your emotions and to establish healthy boundaries to support the well-being of both yourself and your relationship.
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Mark answers “
true
” or “
false
” ONLY if you believe it is accurate for both of you.
I am accepting of our differences.
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True
False
Unsure
I only speak positively about her and our relationship to others.
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True
False
Unsure
I trust that she will always have my back.
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True
False
Unsure
I trust her with finances.
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True
False
Unsure
I trust her ability to respect our relationship when she is with friends, acquaintances and co-workers.
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True
False
Unsure
I trust her with my secrets.
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True
False
Unsure
She almost always takes care of me when I don't feel well.
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True
False
Unsure
She is almost always there for me when I need her.
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True
False
Unsure
I am comfortable being honest with her.
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True
False
Unsure
I am loyal to her and to our relationship agreements.
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True
False
Unsure
We support one another’s highest good, and biggest dreams.
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True
False
Unsure
We feel secure in our commitment.
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True
False
Unsure
I feel confident that I can express the best version of who I am in this relationship.
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True
False
Unsure
I am comfortable with how we treat our differences.
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True
False
Unsure
I am conscious about making choices that support our relationship and that do not take away from our relationship.
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True
False
Unsure
I do not give energy and attention to distractions that will undermine our relationship.
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True
False
Unsure
I believe she shares her thoughts and feelings openly, even when it is difficult for me to hear.
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True
False
Unsure
I apologize when my actions have been hurtful, whether I intended to hurt her or not.
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True
False
Unsure
I feel emotionally and physically safe and respected.
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True
False
Unsure
I feel safe to express how I feel about anything and everything to her.
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True
False
Unsure
I am comfortable with our ability to address conflicts and disagreements.
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True
False
Unsure
I am satisfied with our conversations and our ability to trust each other with vulnerable thoughts and feelings.
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True
False
Unsure
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Total true answers - Protect
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Percentage - Protect
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Enjoy
Love Code five is Enjoy Love. You can Enjoy Love when you take responsibility for creating positive, uplifting, and joyful interactions as well as incorporating novelty and surprise to keep love alive and a feel-good and satisfying experience.
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Start section
Mark answers “
true
” or “
false
” ONLY if you believe it is accurate for both of you.
I am satisfied with the amount of play we have in our relationship.
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True
False
Unsure
I am happy to see her when she walks into the room.
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True
False
Unsure
I enjoy talking with her.
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True
False
Unsure
She is my favorite person to spend time with.
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True
False
Unsure
I am satisfied with the amount of fun we have.
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True
False
Unsure
I feel special to her.
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True
False
Unsure
I am satisfied with how much we laugh.
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True
False
Unsure
We have inside jokes and playful behaviors that we do not engage in with others.
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True
False
Unsure
I am satisfied with how we spend our free-time together.
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True
False
Unsure
I am satisfied with how often we get away and vacation together (just the two of us).
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True
False
Unsure
I enjoy running errands, and other tasks involved in day-to-day life, together.
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True
False
Unsure
I am satisfied with how we do humor in our relationship.
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True
False
Unsure
I feel supported to pursue hobbies and things that interest me.
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True
False
Unsure
Meeting my partners needs and expectations helps me feel connected to her, not controlled by her.
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True
False
Unsure
I find comfort in her company and companionship.
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True
False
Unsure
I am satisfied with our sex life.
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True
False
Unsure
I feel supported to engage in activities that fuel my aliveness and passion.
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True
False
Unsure
I am satisfied with my ability to maintain my individuality/autonomy in ways that do not seem to threaten my partner's security in our relationship.
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True
False
Unsure
I am satisfied with the way she celebrates my birthday, special occasions, and personal achievements.
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True
False
Unsure
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Total true answers - Enjoy
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Percentage - Enjoy
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Prioritize
Love Code six is Prioritize Love. When we Prioritize Love, we move from a mindset of "me" to one of "we.” When you have decisions to make, free time to spend, love to give, and interpretations to make, your love is the first to be considered.
Hidden
Start section
Mark answers “
true
” or “
false
” ONLY if you believe it is accurate for both of you.
I am satisfied with how important I feel in our relationship.
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True
False
Unsure
I believe our relationship is the most important relationship in my life.
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True
False
Unsure
I strive to be accessible to my partner 24/7 in case of emergency.
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True
False
Unsure
I believe exercizing self-care is a way of prioritizing our relationship.
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True
False
Unsure
I believe that for our relationship to be strong and healthy, I must strive to being strong and healthy.
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True
False
Unsure
When I am hurt by her words or actions, I communicate my feelings directly, openly and with kindness.
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True
False
Unsure
I consider the impact on my relationship when I make decisions that will deplete my energy, resources and time.
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True
False
Unsure
She is the first person I tell when I have big news to share.
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True
False
Unsure
I place the needs of our relationship above the feelings and demands of others in my life.
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True
False
Unsure
I turn to her for advice and suggestions.
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True
False
Unsure
I am willing to disappoint important others in my life in order to support and protect my relationship.
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True
False
Unsure
I believe it is my responsibility to manage my emotions no matter how upset I am with my partner.
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True
False
Unsure
She is my most trusted advisor in life.
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True
False
Unsure
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Total true answers - Prioritize
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Percentage - Prioritize
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Check the following statements that are true for you.
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MINDSET
Either I'm good at something or I'm not.
I can learn to do anything I set my mind to.
I am who I am and I can't change that.
I am constantly evolving, a work in progress.
If I have to work hard at something then it means it's something I can't do.
I believe the more I challenge myself, the smarter I become.
If I don't try, I won't fail.
I only fail when I stop trying.
I figure, why bother if the odds are low?
I believe anything is possible if you try.
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Check the statements that are true for you.
Emotional Health and Well-Being
I often feel nervous, anxious, on edge
I experience unwanted, repetitive thoughts that cause you anxiety
I tend to feel down, depressed, or hopeless
I have experienced traumatic Life Experiences (accidents, fire, abuse, earthquake, flood, death or suicide of loved one, serious injury or medical experience, etc).
I have little interest or enjoyment in doing things
I have made attempts to cut back on drinking or drug use
I experience frequent mood shifts from feeling good to feeling bad
I manage my fears of exposure to germs from environment with excessive cleaning
Others have expressed concern about your drinking or drug use
I am devastated by criticizm.
I have chronic thoughts and fears about weight gain
I have intrusive thoughts about taboo topics (harming self-others, pornographic thoughts, etc)
I tend to finish other's sentences before they can
I regularly attempt to control weight with diet pills, laxatives, exercising excessively, fasting
I have difficulty stopping and controlling worry thoughts.
I've experienced legal issue related to drinking or drug use
I rely on others to keep your life in order and attend to details
I repeatedly checking something (doors, appliances, etc) or arranging things (shelves, cabinets, etc.)
I feel out-of-control with excessive eating
I tend to prevent or address uncomfortable feelings by performing routine behaviors each day
I have difficulty concentrating on what people say even when they speak directly to you
I have difficulty unwinding and relaxing when have time to self
I have health concerns related to drinking or drug use
I attempt to neutralize unwanted thoughts with another activity (counting, hand washing checking things)
I tend to put things off until last minute
I often feel inadequate
I average more than 12 hours of sleep per day.
Check all of the statements below that are true for you.
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First Name
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First
RELATIONSHIP STATUS
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Choose One
Dating Seriously / Committed
Contemplating Separation / Seeking Clarity
Pre-Engagement
Engaged
Newly Married
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Choose One
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In 5 words or less what is your #1 relationship concern?
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