How strong is your relationship?

Assess how you’re doing with the six essential relationship functions. Get immediate results with the Love Code Quiz.

Give
Giving love is the motor of your relationship. You cannot get from your relationship anything that at least one of you is not giving. The more love you give, the more love you have.
Hidden

Start section

Mark answers “true” or “false” ONLY if you believe it is accurate for both of you.
We feel loved by one another.*
We consciously put energy into making sure we both feel loved by one another.*
We feel respected by one another.*
We express appreciation for one another on a daily basis.*
We feel accepted by one another.*
We respect one another’s opinions and beliefs.*
We comfort one another when we are upset.*
We consider one another’s feelings when making decisions.*
We listen to one another.*
We are verbally affectionate with one another.*
We hug, kiss and touch throughout the day.*
We express our admiration for one another most days.*
We cuddle or touch throughout the night.*
We experience positively passionate moments in our relationship.*
We make time for moments of intentional connection every day (eye contact, touch, conversations, etc.).*
We have sex frequently enough to satisfy us both.*
We have sex in ways that satisfy us both.*
We feel sexually desired.*
We put thought and energy into making one another feel special.*
We put effort into creating surprises for each other such as thoughtful gifts, acts of kindness, and introducing new experiences.*
We are mutually invested in nurturing, growing and protecting our relationship.*
Hidden
Hidden
Hidden

End Section

Receive
If the motor of a relationship is to give love, receiving love is the fuel that keeps the motor running. Receiving love requires an open heart and the vulnerability to let love in. Receiving is how we say "yes," to love without obstacles, conditions, or doubt. Receiving Love works in tandem with Giving Love.
Hidden

Start section

Mark answers “true” or “false” ONLY if you believe it is accurate for both of you.
We are comfortable asking each other for help and support when we need it.*
We are willing to let go of misinterpretations of one another’s words/actions and allow each other to restate what is true for her when there is a misunderstanding that causes hurt.*
We are able to disappoint each other in order to take care of ourselves when it is healthy and necessary for our wellbeing, and the wellbeing of our relationship.*
We accept constructive feedback (when delivered with kindness and love) without becoming defensive with one another.*
We accept comfort from each other when we are hurting.*
We forgive one another for both big and small things when a genuine apology/repair attempt is made.*
We are comfortable receiving gifts from one another.*
We are comfortable asking for and receiving help from the other when it is needed.*
We openly share our needs with one another.*
We believe / expect that our respective essential needs will be met in this relationship.*
We feel worthy of being loved, even when we don't believe we've "earned" it.*
We are comfortable taking care of ourselves without feeling guilty.*
We are willing to pursue our dreams without fear of losing the other.*
Hidden
Hidden
Hidden

End Section

Understand
To Understand Love is the ability to make sense of, and accurately interpret your partner's feelings and behaviors in a way that allows her to feel known. Understanding is an emotional process, not a logical process, thus it requires access to emotions, yours and hers. Deep understanding is what creates intimacy and sustains your friendship.
Hidden

Start section

Mark answers “true” or “false” ONLY if you believe it is accurate for both of you.
We both feel safe to share our deepest fears with each other.*
We feel accepted by one another exactly as we are.*
We have compatible views/choice-making about balancing our relationship with other commitments (work, kids, hobbies, social time, etc.)*
We have similar views about the importance of, and roles of, our respective families in our life together.*
We view our relationship as a beautiful love-story that we both longed to experience before meeting one another.*
We have a deep understanding of what makes one another feel joyful and alive.*
We have similar values about money in our lives.*
We have similar values about the role of autonomy/freedom and togetherness/security in our relationship.*
We have similar values about sex in our relationship.*
We share a similar view about what “home,” means.*
We have compatible hopes and aspirations for our individual lives and for our life in general.*
We validate (express understanding for what she is saying) one another's thoughts, feelings and experiences, even when they differ from our own.*
We share similar values about animals/pets.*
We have shared values about parenthood and/or parenting styles.*
Hidden
Hidden
Hidden

End Section

Protect
When you Protect Love, you keep it safe from harm. This requires both partners to manage your emotions and to establish healthy boundaries to support the well-being of both yourself and your relationship.
Hidden

Start section

Mark answers “true” or “false” ONLY if you believe it is accurate for both of you.
We are accepting of one another and our differences.*
We only speak positively about one another and our relationship to others.*
We trust that we will always have one another’s back.*
We trust each other with finances.*
We trust each other with friends, aquaintances and co-workers.*
We trust each other with our secrets.*
When we are sick, we take care of each other.*
We can count on each other.*
We are honest with each other.*
We are loyal to one another and our relationship agreements.*
We support one another’s highest good, and biggest dreams.*
We feel secure in our commitment.*
We are both committed to ensuring we can meet our essential needs in this relationship.*
We treat our differences with curiosity and acceptance.*
We intend to make choices that “add to,” not “take away from” our relationship.*
We do not give energy and attention to distractions that will undermine our relationship.*
We communicate our thoughts and feelings openly, even when it is difficult to say/hear.*
We apologize when we are wrong or when we have caused one another hurt.*
We feel emotionally and physically safe and respected by each other.*
We feel safe to express how we feel about anything and everything with one another.*
We actively work to improve how we address our conflicts to minimize the damage to our relationship.*
We engage in meaningful (connected) conversations that involve the sharing of our inner worlds with one another at least once a day.*
Hidden
Hidden
Hidden

End Section

Enjoy
You can Enjoy Love when you take responsibility for creating positive, uplifting, and joyful interactions as well as incorporating novelty and surprise to keep love alive and a feel-good and satisfying experience.
Hidden

Start section

Mark answers “true” or “false” ONLY if you believe it is accurate for both of you.
We regularly make time for play in our relationship.*
We are happy to see each other when one of us walks into the room.*
We enjoy talking with one another.*
My partner is my favorite person to spend time with.*
We have a lot of fun together.*
We feel special to one another.*
We laugh a lot.*
We have inside jokes and playful behaviors that we do not engage in with others.*
We enjoy our free-time doing things together.*
We vacation / get away together (just the two of us) at least once or more per year.*
We enjoy running errands, and other tasks involved in day-to-day life, together.*
We share a similar sense of humor.*
We support each other’s healthy pursuit of hobbies and interests and enjoy seeing one another happy.*
Meeting my partner's needs helps me feel connected to her, not controlled by her.*
We find comfort in one another's company.*
We have a satisfying sex life that accomodates both of our desires.*
We encourage one another to engage in activities that fuel aliveness and passion, knowing our relationship benefits from this positive energy.*
We find ways to maintain our individuality/autonomy that add to, not take away from our relationship.*
We celebrate one another's successes with joy/excitement.*
Hidden
Hidden
Hidden

End Section

Prioritize
When we Prioritize Love, we move from a mindset of "me" to one of "we.” When you have decisions to make, free time to spend, love to give, and interpretations to make, your love is the first to be considered.
Hidden

Start section

Mark answers “true” or “false” ONLY if you believe it is accurate for both of you.
We feel important to one another.*
Our relationship is the #1 priority in our life.*
We are accessible to one another 24/7 in case of emergency.*
We each take care of our body, mind and spirit as a way of prioritizing our relationship.*
We share the belief that for our relationship to be strong and healthy, each of us must strive toward being strong and healthy.*
We are able to tolerate disappointing one another in order to take care of our essential needs (like sleep, responsibilities, self-care, etc.)*
We consider what is important to our relationship and we prioritize our time, energy and resources for these things.*
When we have big news, we share it with one another first.*
We place the needs of our relationship above the feelings and demands of others in our life.*
We turn to one another for advice and suggestions.*
We communicate our commitment to and love for one another to those in our life, regardless of our fear of their disappointment or disapproval.*
We make choices that will add to our relationship and avoid making choices that will take away from our relationship.*
We consider one another our most trusted advisor in life.*
Hidden
Hidden
Hidden

End Section

Contact info
GET YOUR QUIZ RESULTS Provide the following information to receive your quiz results. You will also receive information on related topics such as communication, conflict reduction, sex and intimacy, and more from Michele O’Mara, Ph.D., LCSW, creator of The Lesbian Love Codes. Unsubscribe anytime.
First Name
We respect you and your privacy. We will not sell, share, or otherwise abuse the use of your email. You can unsubscribe anytime.
Hidden
Hidden